Some Famous Defeats

History is littered with the corpses of men who yearned for greatness. Much like the tale of Icarus and Daedalus, one can easily come to defeat when victory is expected. There have been some great historical defeats that changed the course of history:

Napoleon's defeat of the Prussians at Jena

Hannibal routing the Romans at Cannae

The U.S. getting trapped by Rommel at Kasserine Pass

Ben Affleck in Gigli

The stage version of Deliverance featuring Todd Farino and RC Rizza

The Generals getting trounced by Fantasy Baseball Search.

Of all of these defeats certainly the last is the most surprising and the most destructive. Indeed the battlefield was strewn with the corpses of once proud Generals, beaten and bloodied beyond recognition by the (p)lucky minions of Fantasy Baseball Search. Taking advantage of a circumstance, the Fantasy Baseball Search team, like vultures, swooped in at just the right time.

After some trying battles against the best teams in the league, and performing admirably under tough conditions, the Generals were ripe for the slaughter. After three straight weeks where the Generals could have been 8-2 or 7-3 and instead got routed because of matchups, the Generals were ready to be plucked, as regression from the lofty heights of a proud offense was a certainty. It was only a question of when.

Star second baseman Chase Utley said "we can only take so much defeat. We tried our best and lost. How many damn hits can I get?" These thoughts were echoed by the last words of Rafael Betancourt, who lay on his death bed; defeated by yet another damn home run by Kevin Youkilis, so summed it all up so eloquently: "WTF do we have to do to get a win around here?"

Week three 11 HR 38 RBI 4 saves and a .327 BA.

Week four 11 HR 44 RBI 5 saves, 2.67 ERA and 1.19 WHIP

Week five 8 HR 35 RBI 5 saves 4 SB.

And nary a win.

Rob Reed's funeral dirge for C.C. Sabathia could nigh well be repeated. Carl Crawford, Generals centerfielder, said "The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart."

His feelings were echoed by Aramis Ramirez, who after the last defeat committed seppuku on his favorite bat. Aramis inscribed on his tombstone: "Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."

There is nothing so bad as the taste of whiskey and sour defeat on Monday mornings. I drag myself through the day like a zombie, wearing a rumpled suit, muttering under my breath about The Greek God of Walks and smelling of cheap hooch. Man, head to head leagues are a hideous bitch goddess.